Who's Gonna Eat the Cheese Off the Floor?

I didn't have "real" pets growing up. I was only allowed to have the random fish or hermit crab from time to time. It's okay. It didn't scar me for life or anything. I never really cared for dogs or cats as a result of never having them before. Then, I saw this sweet face and I fell in love.

Penny originally belonged to someone else. They decided it wasn't a good time to have a pet and posted on Facebook that they needed to find a new home for her. Not long before this, my ex had randomly gotten a German Sheppard puppy behind my back and it didn't work out AT ALL! The puppy was huge and it made terrible messes and it chewed and scratched. You know...all the things puppies do. We had to find another home for it!

I saw the post about Penny and begged him to get her. It was weird for me because I'm not really an animal lover. My ex agreed but it was really close to Christmas and we wanted the puppy to come from Santa. I talked to my cousin and she agreed to keep her until Christmas so that we could surprise the boys with her on Christmas morning. It all worked out and that's what happened.

Penelope, or Penny, was perfect from the start. We had a small house and her messes were very small. She potty trained quickly and didn't chew, or bark, or bite. She was adorable and we all loved her! I probably loved her most of all. She was really mine, but I pretended she was for the kids.

Time passed and we all grew up, but Penny was a constant for the family.

She never met a stranger and she was always gentle and kind to little children and other animals.

We only had one scare with her, ever. She was playing in the yard one night and was bit by a copperhead. It wasn't deadly, just painful. I saw how upsetting it would be to lose her so we always took great care of her. She was really healthy and as far a I knew, would live to be an old dog that would pass away in her sleep or from an "old dog" issue that I would be prepared for and able to say goodbye.

Last Monday, my heart stopped when my neighbor came over to tell me there was a small dog in her yard and it was dead. I had just seen Penny at the back door, but a lot was going on so I didn't let her in. I ran to the back yard and called her name. I knew then that it was her. I asked her to take me to her so I could make sure. Of course, it was her. My neighbor had a friend over and they had brought their dog with them. The dog was in the back yard and Penny crawled under the fence, wandered over to the other dog and the rest is a terrible accident.

We aren't mad at my neighbor. Not even her friend. We don't want to hunt the dog down and try to have it put down. It won't bring Penny back. I'm mad at myself. I could have opened that door and none of this would have ever happened.

I went to get her from my neighbor's garage. I pulled back the towel she was wrapped in and saw it was her. I put my hand on her side and felt her lungs breathe in and out. I quickly said that she wasn't dead, and started saying her name and shaking her. I think she just save her last breath for me. She didn't breathe anymore and I carried her over to my house.

I definitely took it the hardest. Braden was next in line after me. He had taken over caring for her since Emmie came along, so he feels the loss in a different way than Brody and Emmie. He misses her and tells me every day.

I think back on all the times I didn't have anyone I could share my sorrows with. Penny was there. I could hold her and cry and she'd just be their for me. It was lonely living a lie, and Penny would be right there with me in my seclusion. Then, when it all ended, she was there at night when I worried about how it'd pick up the pieces of our lives and put them all back together.

It's been a week now. We aren't crying anymore, but there are moments that make you pause and realize how quickly it all changed.

A few nights ago, I didn't have to worry about her barking and waking up Emmie when Braden came home from his girlfriend's house.

I was ready to go to bed the other day, and I got up to take her out one last time and lock up the house. There was no one to take out.

I dropped a couple socks from the dryer on the way to the couch to fold the laundry. I ran back to get them before she could steal them from me, but no one chased after me to snatch them.

No one ran to beg for cheese when I opened up the bag of shredded cheddar while making dinner Friday night.

I don't have to worry about Emmie dropping chocolate chips on the floor anymore.

No one is eating the crumbs under Emmie's seat after each meal.

I feel guilt. I feel sadness. Most of all I'm just so sorry that this is how her life ended. That she died a painful, scary death and I didn't come to save her.

I hope that with the last breath she saved for me, she heard my voice and knew that her mom was there to take care of her.

We placed her ashes inside a garden stone. I couldn't decide where to bury her and it didn't feel right ever thinking I'd have to leave her behind somewhere. My husband thinks I'm nuts for all this.

Look at me...the lady who couldn't care less about animals has her dog cremated and place in rock!

She changed me.

I wonder when I'll stop noticing that no one is eating the cheese off the floor.