Since Y'all Asked...

So, many of you have asked for specific stories from my past. Some think I should write a book with all my stories centered around my first marriage and his sociopathic ways. I've thought about it a time or two, but as time passes, I find myself forgetting a lot of things that happened to me or the order in which they happened. Details are getting fuzzy and retelling the events gets harder and harder each time.

I'll also admit that it's embarrassing at times. I worry people might judge me for being stupid or naïve. The older I get I'm growing out of this concern. I read story after story about women being manipulated in a similar fashion as I was. After reading other accounts of similar stories, I've seen hateful remarks in the comments section about how these women should have known better. I want to make it clear that women don't ever choose to be a victim to these types of men. I'm going to take a minute to brag on myself a little.

I am a college honor graduate. I returned to school and earned two additional graduate degrees. I did this while raising a family and running a cheerleading program at the high school I worked at. I am driven, determined and resilient. I am completely type A. I am in control at all times and I always have a plan before executing anything. I am put together and I have my ducks in a row.

Majority of the women coming forward to share their stories are a lot like me. They are smart and successful people. They aren't stupid and they didn't willingly accept an invitation for deceit and manipulation to enter their lives. I have noticed a pattern though. A lot of the women that experience these relationships are looking for something specific in their lives. These men (predators) swoop in and become "this need" in order to be accepted by these women. For example, every affair my first husband had was with a woman who had a need for love, acceptance or support. One woman was separated from her husband and was feeling vulnerable. Another woman's husband passed away and she was lonely. These men see the places they can creep in and they know what to do to be appealing to these women.

You might ask, "What was your 'need' that caused him to fool you?" Well, we were just kids when we fell into a marriage. I don't think I was looking for anything specific with him other than avoiding embarrassment. You can read a previous post, "Why I Stayed..." to learn more about how we started and why I stayed so long.

I say all this to defend myself and these other brave, strong women who have to hear ridicule for simply loving and trusting someone as we all should. Just keep that in mind as you read some of my crazy stories from the past.

Here's a good story for now. I knew things were getting over the top when this happened, but I was so in over my head. I had no clue how to get out of the sinking ship I was in.

I was eight months pregnant with my son, Brody. My husband brought home a letter from work about a business trip he had been selected to go on. The trip would require a flight to upstate New York to visit a bigger office the company had there. Flight and hotel costs would be covered by the company. The letter was on an "official" letter head from the popular insurance company he worked for at the time. It mentioned how much of a privilege it was to be selected for the trip and how honored he should feel being asked to attend. Now, I know we all aren't perfect. I have errors in my posts all the time! However, this letter had a few mistakes in it and I thought it seemed a little funny, but I just thought it wasn't proofed enough. It should have been my first clue.

Fast forward to a few days later, he was at work late one evening and I was on the family computer looking at whatever I was looking at...I can't remember. An email notification popped up on the bottom of the screen. It was an email to my husband from a long-time friend of his from New York. You guessed it. This was a female friend that my husband had stayed in touch with for years and years after moving from New York to Georgia as a 10th grader. Now, I met this young lady when he and I first started dating. She came to visit him and they did appear to be just friends. They would text from time to time. I didn't think much about it because I'd met her and I knew what their friendship supposedly was.

One New Year's Eve she texted him, "Happy New Year, I love you!" Again, thinking they were old friends, I went about my business.

So, I'm reading this email. I'm realizing this is the girl I met about five years earlier when we were first dating; the one he is friends with from his past. The message said all I needed to know. She talked about how excited she was to see him after so long. What all they'd do together on their trip. BARF! How they could finally be together instead of just talking on the phone and sending each other pictures. Pictures! You know I had to go find these pictures after that! And find them I did! Several scandalous photos of her that made me want to throw up!

I immediately emailed her that my husband would not be coming to see her. I told her the whole story of how he was married to me, the girl she met five years earlier, and how we have a three year old son and another on the way. I probably said a few ugly things, I don't really remember. She replied rather quickly and apologized profusely for any trouble she had caused. She told me she had no idea he was married with kids. I'll never forget her writing, "Ever since I knew him in middle school, I knew he liked to stretch the truth. I never thought he'd be this deceitful. I should have known better." Y'all, he was showing signs of this that early in life. I just can't. She told me she'd never speak to him again. She's one of the only women I believe kept her word about that.

When he got home that night, I was waiting with his letter and the email and pictures pulled up. After HOURS of him going in circles to try and explain things he finally told the truth. At first he tried to say the letter and trip were real, and seeing her was just going to happen on the side. Eventually, he admitted the trip was made up and he faked the letter. He had put the trip on a credit card I didn't know about. The flight couldn't be canceled, so we had to pay the $800 he wasted on that. We DID NOT have the money to do that.

This is what makes someone a sociopath. Anyone can lie and cheat, but the planning and manipulating that took place to try and make that happen just blows my mind. Sometimes I stop and think, what didn't I catch? What slipped through the cracks that I'll never know about? It'll drive you nuts if you let it.

I should have left, but like I said, that's another blog post already written.

There you have it folks...one of the stories only a few people have been told up until now.