Love Is A Choice

I don't have it all figured out. My relationship isn't perfect. But every day, we choose to love each other.

That's all it takes.

Decisions. Choices. Resolves. Make them and stick to them.

We live in a society that tells us it's okay to change our minds. It's all about living in the moment and being "true to yourself" and your feelings. Self-gratification. It's so damaging.

There was a time I thought Ben and I weren't going to make it. It was in the middle of Covid and the mandate for federal employees to be vaccinated. Ben and I have chosen not to be vaccinated for several reasons, but that's not what's important here. Our livelihood was threatened on a daily basis by a job he'd been at for over 15 years. He was also trying to retire from the military and they were pressuring for him to be vaccinated as well. They told him if for any reason he didn't retire before the mandate cut off, he'd lose it all. He'd be discharged and would not receive his retirement for 20 years of service.

I was trying my best to be supportive of his decision, but fear was starting to get the best of me. I hate to admit it now, but I asked him more than once to just go do it. Is all this really worth it?

"How you look at me as a man is worth it," he'd tell me. "How will you look at me if I give in to something I believe is wrong? How will our kids look at me?" Ben takes being the leader of our family extremely seriously. It's his most important job here on earth. Other jobs can come and go, but we are always in his care and his responsibility. While others looked at the situation and saw a stubborn conspiracy theorist, he was concerned about his family's opinion of him instead.

Ben is also a patriot. He would willing die to protect your freedom in a heartbeat. When he feels that freedom is threatened, he doesn't take it lightly. During this time, I've never been more proud of him. But I also felt bitterness. I was angry at him. So angry. And he was angry with me when he felt my support waivered.

It was excruciating for about 6 months or so. We both looked at each other on different days and confessed that this might be something we wouldn't survive. It wouldn't be because we didn't love each other, or money, or any of the usual conflicts in a marriage. It'd be over a stupid shot. (But really much more.)

Every day we had to choose to keep believing the best of each other. On the days he was frustrated, I offered as much support as I could, despite being terrified for our future. On the days the stress was too much for me, he'd hold me in his arms and reminded me that we had everything we needed and God would always provide for us because he's never failed to take care of us before. Whenever I am overwhelmed by anything, Ben is the first one to bring me back to down to Earth with the reminder that I'm a Christian. If I am truly a Christian, I trust in God's plan for my life; no matter what that might put me through or where it may take me.

Ben is part of God's plan for my life. He made that crystal clear for me early in our relationship. So when the road gets rough, we'll hold hands and travel through life together.

It would have been extremely easy to handle those difficult months differently. A few people told me I needed to give him an ultimatum; take the vaccine or I'd leave. He easily could have left as well. I'm sure it wasn't easy being harassed at work and then getting verbally attacked again at home. But we both just waited. We waited one more day, week, and month until slowly the tension of the world melted away and suddenly it was over. In the blink of an eye, everything was dropped and the struggle dissipated.

What if we had allowed that season of life to irreparably alter our marriage?

I'm so over hearing the excuses:

"I'm not happy with my life."

"I'm a different person now."

"People change."

"I don't love them anymore."

Guess what, buddy? We aren't all happy all the time. If it's an extreme unhappiness, get some help! We are all a different person from the day we met our spouses. How boring would it be if we all remained stagnant? Yuck. You don't always feel an overwhelming sense of love for your spouse. Who told you that you would? It's unrealistic.

Move on to someone else and see how long that relationship will last for you. If you are allowing these thoughts to control the marriage you're in now, they will control any other relationship you have down the line. You have a problem that you need to fix, and it's you!

It's you, hi. You're the problem, it's you!

We have got to stop reverting back to pre-conceived notions and stop being disappointed by unfulfilled fantasies. This is real life.

Maybe your husband's romance manifests itself in filing up your gas tank so you don't have to.

Maybe your wife is sexy when she cooks that casserole you love so much.

Change your perspective.

What can you do better? How might you be difficult to live with? Try to fix it. You're not always a bed of roses, my friend.

Giving up is not going to work out for you. You'll trade one set of problems for another.

I made a choice to give you some tough love today.

Now...go choose wisely.