How Did I Get Here?!

Ever wake up and find yourself in a completely different place than you thought you'd be during this point in your life? If you'd asked me as a child what I'd be doing at the old, old age of 37, I'm sure working in education wouldn't even be on the radar. So, how do we find our place in this world? It is all by chance? Are we just stumbling upon coincidence after coincidence and it all just seems to work out in the end? I used to think so, but then it all made sense to me...when it all fell apart.

I'm not afraid to admit I was a dramatic child. I could be very expressive of my feelings; to a fault. In some ways that hasn't changed. In youthful innocence, I thought I was destined for great theatrical things like performing on Broadway or something similar. Singing was what I loved, and I got my fix of the limelight through church and school performances. As I got older, I still loved to sing but I started to become more aware that I wasn't super amazing at it. No one told me I was terrible, but no one told I was awesome either. Only a delusional person would still pursue something they weren't praised for on the regular!

I found a realistic way to pursue my passion by deciding to major in Music Education. I loved chorus and ensemble classes in high school. They were my people and we got to do what we loved and earned credits towards graduating. What better way to stay connected to music than to study it in college? And while I wasn't meant to be a solo performer, I love singing in groups. There's nothing like harmonizing with others to create a unique, beautiful sound. Sometimes it feels transcendent like an out-of-body experience. My altos know what I'm talking about! That was it. I would become a chorus teacher. Or so I thought.

Two years into college, I became pregnant with my first son and his father and I decided to move back home to have the support of my parents. I eventually found my way back to college, after a brief and random tech school quarter of dental assisting classes. (Don't even ask, let's just keep going.) I had two years of credits but none of the schools near me had a Music Education program. I had to settle for Early Childhood Education. Oh, how I chuckle about it now. It seemed like the only thing that made sense. I didn't want to lose my education credits and a lot of my music courses could count as electives. When it was all said and done, I had a degree in Early Childhood Education with dual certification in Special Education. I didn't choose any part of the special education certification. It was a built-in part of the program/cohort I joined. It was also divine intervention.

The last year of the program I became pregnant with my middle child; another boy due in the spring right as everything was wrapping up. I literally completed my last day of student teaching the day before I had a scheduled C-section for him to be born. Looking back, it was a risky time to have another baby. I was naïve and thought that getting a job for the next school year would be super easy. I spent the entire third trimester of that pregnancy searching for a job. No one wanted to interview me because I was huge and pregnant. At least that was my take on things. I didn't get how they couldn't see that I wouldn't be pregnant still in August!

The one and only interview I got was at a high school. I'm about 99% sure I only got the interview because my mom was close friends with the principal's wife. High school. I was terrified at the thought. I had just prepared for little people, not teenagers! It was also a special education position. But what was I going to do? I had a baby on the way and no other interviews or offers. I hesitantly accepted the job offer the same day as the interview. Thank God for altering our paths in ways that seem crazy at the time.

I spent 11 years at that school. It became home to me. I made friends and formed professional relationships that shaped me into who I am today. I started there as a reluctant special education teacher and left as a seasoned professional ready to take on new adventures. I went through a life-altering transition of not really understanding what my students needed to fighting and advocating for them in ways I never thought I would. I learned things I didn't know I needed to learn and patted myself on the back that I made lemonade when life handed me lemons. I had no idea I was placed in that school, in that position, for a very specific reason.

I left that school and went to another, a middle school, for two more years before starting the current position I'm in now. I wanted a change of pace and I felt it was time. Each school has a program specialist in charge of the special education program. At this school, I worked with an amazing program specialist that possesses everything an effective leader should. She is fair, responsive, passionate and encouraging. Up until then, I always felt like I'd stay in the classroom and never really had any plans to leave. She changed my perspective on things when I saw how she was able to advocate for her teachers and students. She's the reason I took a leap of faith and left the classroom. More on her and all this a little later!

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I always knew something was off. It sounds crazy, but I could tell that Emmie wasn't a normal baby. You might say I'm crazy, but I think my mom and close friends would tell you this is true based on things I said to them when she was an infant. She was so difficult. Grumpy! She never seemed to be satisfied for long. She'd give me constant anxiety, the source of it changing week to week. Everything just seemed so much harder than I remembered. I was also old and tired. My last baby had been 11 years prior. In the back of my mind I wondered if something was wrong, but at that point you don't really have anything to go off of other than your child is driving you nuts. After trying so hard to have her, I felt guilty about feeling the way I did.

I kept telling myself, "There's still time for her to start pointing. There's still time for her to start talking. There's still time for her to look when I call her name." Eventually, you have to stop telling yourself there's still time and start accepting that there might be something wrong. Most people thought my concerns were crazy. 18 months old is the big marker for certain milestones, so even her doctor wanted to wait until then before being too concerned. When she failed the M-Chat screener at her 18 month check-up I wanted to scream when the doctor seemed so surprised and worried. I just spit out, "Yeah, I told you when she was 15 months old she wasn't doing any of this!" Three months we wasted not doing anything. You might not think that's a big deal. Trust me, in a world of waiting lists...it's a big deal.

I immediately pushed hard and heavy for a neurological and developmental evaluation from a specialist. My doctor said we needed to start with Babies Can't Wait. "We can do both!" I said. I'll never understand the reluctance. If my gut was wrong, we'd have nothing to lose by trying. If my gut was right, we'd have everything to lose by waiting.

I'll spare you the all the emotional months of waiting. We got a diagnosis in November of 2020, when Emmie was 22 months old. Because of her young age, everything was sped up a bit. The younger a child can receive interventions the better the results of those interventions will be. We were able to enroll her in ABA therapy. It is controversial and some don't agree with this type of therapy, but I knew it was the right fit for Emmie. She has flourished and developed in ways I never thought possible. When we received her diagnosis, I mourned all the things I thought we would lose throughout her life. ABA therapy turned our disposition completely around. Talk to me about it sometime if you're interested in learning more about it.

Getting a diagnosis, signing up and waiting for ABA therapy to start, working with insurances companies and other organizations to navigate the huge expense of ABA therapy were all difficult processes. There were many times I just wanted to give up, but I knew my baby was counting on me. It didn't take me long to realize that I had an upper hand because of my work background. I knew the lingo and laws more than the average parent as well as the benefits of what I was trying to do. I've often said if I wasn't in special education I would have given up very quickly and soon after starting everything.

For the first time, I realized God's plan for my life lead me through this difficult time. Without the knowledge of services and special needs individuals I would have been lost. Then I realized, if it was this hard for me...how hard is it for others that don't have a clue about special needs services and the benefits of early intervention? I felt an extreme sense of gratitude for God placing me in that special education position so many years ago. It all started to make sense.

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It was about the time I started worrying about Emmie that I started to think about leaving the classroom. I was working with the program specialist I mentioned above, and I admired how she could advocate for others on a much larger scale than I could as a classroom teacher. I stated to realize that my career prepared me to help Emmie, but Emmie helped me become a better special educator and make goals for my professional future.

Every special education teacher has dealt with that one parent. The one parent that asks a little too much of you, or doesn't realize they are being unrealistic with their expectations. They call, email or text relentlessly. They worry about things they don't need to worry about and they always seem to lack faith or trust in the school system. It can make for a challenging year. You learn quickly who they are and you do your best the keep the boat from rocking too much throughout the year. I always felt I was pretty patient with these parents. I seemed to work well with them, but it wasn't until I had Emmie that I could relate to them and understand where they are coming from.

*Soap Box Warning*

There are no "difficult" or "high-maintenance" parents. There are just parents. They are their child's biggest advocate, and they have been fighting for them from the very beginning. They have been through things you can't imagine. They have been doubted, questioned and patronized, all while doing something so selfless and honorable; fighting for their child's quality of life. Have you had to do that before? If you haven't, you might need to take a step back and be thankful instead of labeling them as a problem. I don't mean to be preachy, it just took me far too long to realize this myself and I want others to jump onboard faster than I was able to. I have been forced to walk in their shoes, but maybe someone else can choose to try them on and see things from a different perspective.

Emmie's diagnosis, and life with her, allowed me to see what it's like on the other side of the IEP meeting table. It didn't take long after her diagnosis for me to realize that I'd never had true empathy and understanding for my students' parents. Life with a special needs child can feel like a constant fight. I quickly decided I needed to change who I was as a teacher now that I knew what it was like to parent Emmie. Fighting for you child's quality of life shouldn't feel like a war. I refuse to be another battle that any other parent needs to fight in their war for their child's success.

I decided I wanted more for myself professionally as well. I wanted to be a program specialist. This revelation took me by surprise. Like I said, I always though I'd just teach. I had no desire to be an administrator or anything like that. It was never appealing to me. However, this was different. It's a hard job, that's not difficult to see, but the way it allows you to change things for the better is appealing.

A program specialist position opened up my second year of teaching middle school. I reached out to the program specialist I have mentioned already and asked her if she thought I'd be qualified for the position. Honestly, I thought she'd tell me I wasn't. On the contrary, she texted me back with such enthusiasm that it surprised me. She told me I definitely needed to go for it because I'd be great at it. It's crazy how your perception of yourself can change when someone believes in you. I decided to give it a shot. I applied but didn't' get an interview. I'll admit, I was really embarrassed. When I told her about it she told me not to be discouraged. She said I just needed a different type of experience added to my resume and shared the different positions I could apply for to gain such experience.

I'm so thankful for her. If she wasn't the leader she was when she was my program specialist I wouldn't have grown to enjoy her as a friend. If it weren't for her encouragement and support, I wouldn't have received such great advice and I wouldn't be where I'm at today. She has become a mentor to me. I'm not sure if she knows that or not, but I look up to her and respect her so much. She recently became the director of all special education for the entire county and I couldn't be more excited for her. She's going to be great and she's a leader we all love and respect so much! The future is bright!

Last school year, I was offered the position of Assistive Technology Teacher for our county. I visit students throughout the county and evaluate what assistive technology could help them be successful in the classroom. I'm able to be in many important meetings and gain experience that will make me a better program specialist one day. I interviewed for a program specialist opening several weeks ago. I didn't get the position, but I received more valuable feedback to get me right back on track to meeting my goal of one day hearing that it's my time! I know it's coming. I know because of everything I've shared with you today in this post.

How did I get here? It was all in the plan, just not my plan. Everything in my life has come full circle. I got a random teaching position because one day I was going to get a divorce, meet the love of my life, get remarried and have another baby. That baby was going to be autistic. That baby was going to then teach me how to be better at my job and push me to be more than I had settled for. Who knows what he has planned next. I wonder what random thing will happen next that isn't really random at all, but just another part of the path God's paved for me to follow.

What coincidence has happened to you that wasn't really a coincidence at all? I'd love to hear all about it!